Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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