So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
