I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
