And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
