Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
