please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
