I am puke
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
