do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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