In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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