His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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