Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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