During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
