Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
