Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
