Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
