All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
