Nicole vs. Life
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
