Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
