I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
