i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
