I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He kissed a someone with a penis
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
