Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
