I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
