Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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