that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
