I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
