Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
