He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
