dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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