and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
