so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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