1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
