Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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