I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
