Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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