Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize