I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
a search helicopter?!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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