i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
