That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
