We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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