so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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