dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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