Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
