I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize