My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
