that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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