how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
