i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
