I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
