I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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