i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
