I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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