good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
