I should be sponsored by Trojan
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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