i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
