If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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