I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize