he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
