Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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