The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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