I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
