I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
