Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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