think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
