I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
