sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
