In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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